Self-doubt is not your friend
It has been three weeks since the first day I set foot on Little Red Dot. Nobody says it’s easy to start over again, and certainly not easy when you have next to none experience in the field you are now work as.
For a while, self-doubt hasn’t bothered me. He used to be by my side most of the time, whispering in my ears “you are not that good”, “you know you are not enough”, “die trying, dear”. He isn’t the supportive type, you see. But I managed to push him away for a while. I managed to lock him outside of my little home inside my soul, and for a while, I thought, he might have more fun than he was when he stayed by my side. But, what kind of friend who is keep talking you down?
Remember, self-doubt is not and never will be your real friend.
So what you should do to push it away, and become more motivated?
Stop yourself from comparing with others
I must say, being a salesperson hasn’t been anywhere near my “potential jobs” list. Never been, actually. I never think I cut out to be working as sale. In my mind back then, salesperson must be talkative, must possess real good communication skills with a make-believe appearance. But gradually, it turns out to be not so true; or at least, not the whole picture of a salesperson.
I’m currently taking baby steps as a super-junior salesperson, and I’ve seen my senior colleagues did a great job – and I was awe by their ability. Not because they turn the black into white, but because of their dedication to their clients, but a clear aim of “doing not just a job, but giving a helping hand to those who seek the support, the consultation.” And it changed my viewpoint about being in sales, completely.
I learn to stop myself from comparing how the others achieve their goals so effortlessly, by talking to them and asking for their suggestion, their stories. I realize, it’s all just a facade. Everyone has their struggles they don’t easily let others know. But everyone fights their own ways to overcome hardship.
So the action of comparing one to another is unproductive, as you never know what exactly the others are going through. Focus on your own problems, and slowly work them out. You will soon see the improvement in your situation.
Note to self: people don’t care that much about what you do or say
Turning back to my point of how to defeat my frenemy, self-doubt. He doubts that I don’t have what it takes to do this job. I, myself, also feel reluctant in throwing myself out there. I did throw myself out there, for the sake of experience, experiment – and obviously I gained useful lessons afterwards, but then, self-doubt keeps asking me: “what if you are not as good as people expect you to be? and they regret that they brought you here in the first place, just to see you struggle in vain, and not contributing anything praise-worthy?”
I’m scared of these questions, because it seriously affects my perception of my own capability, and it makes me feel ashamed of myself, makes me more and more afraid of letting people down, and moreover, people look down at me, being I “wasn’t what they thought to be”. I have been fighting off that thought for years, and I guess, it has never really left me alone.
I slowly learn to remind myself that the truth is that people don’t really care that much about others. Even your own relatives or cousins. They already have their hands full with their personal issues. Their jobs and mortgages are probably occupy their thoughts and minds. They will ask about you when their is families reunion. But the fact is how you are doing, matter very little to a large number of people, and matter more to maybe a very few, like your parents, your close friends, your lover.
Every time you start thinking about how others would think, take a deep breath, and ask yourself: “Does that really matter that much?”. Focus on what matters and manage your stress level
You will feel much better afterwards, like a big burden has just left your shoulders. You can stand tall again, and ready to take on any challenges again.
Do something new and celebrate small wins
As I am sitting here, writing down my worries and insecurities, I do know that those dark days, when all I have was my bare hands, have long gone. I have so much more than that. I have been writing my own mind out, turning my thoughts into words, pouring my heart onto sentences and showing them to all, without caring what they might think of me. Many thoughts of mine are not great, they can be mediocre, they can be childish, they can be ridiculous – to some – but I keep doing it, not stopping and not looking back. For me, it is a big step already. And I intend to keep doing it until I cannot write anything, anymore. I have nothing else but my mind, and I’m so damn proud of it. Because if I don’t, probably no one else will. I, have nothing, but myself.
Kurt Vonnegut has said it so true, so right on how to stop feeling sorry for yourself. Do something. Anything. Create something makes you feel better even though for just a little bit.
I keep singing in the shower.
I keep a smile on my face.
I keep telling people my lame stories of normal days, just to take back their laughter.
Be a little crazy and silly, so that I will never turn myself into a serious, stone-cold machine, trying to get by life not living it.
I want my soul not to suffer from doubt. I want my heart to hold itself together. This is what I must always do, even though I’m still very much scared that I cannot do it well enough, I must keep doing what I can right now. If all it takes is those five words, then I will keep repeating it to myself, “everything will be alright”.
This is just me, trying to console myself. And there will be days, endless days, of me struggling. I am 100 times more fortunate than millions of people right now, who have no roof on their heads, no food to pass a day, no freedom, no safety, no protection, no job, no hope, no faith… I am still luckier than many. That is something to be grateful about.